I want it all...

I want to learn and dig deeper and deeper into the science of this world
I want to explore this entire planet, see it, savor it and remember it
I want to get to know other species and spend time with them/help them
I want to offer up my help in other countries and other cultures/peace corps/red cross
I want to play music and be able to create the visions I have in my head; be it painting, building, stories
I want to always live in the moment
yet I want to progress

can I do these things?
I believe so much in you
I need to believe in me

so much to live for
such little time

let me know

I don't know what would make me hate you more
if you really just have no depth
or if you do but didn't care about me at all to use it

all that remains

every perspective is skewed by the moments we've held onto
with a lesson learned the gained wisdom can make a decision seem so conscious
with both emotion and logic seeming in check
but the response to progression can be easily backtracked and digressed if overwhelmed with pride of now knowing all

growth should not only invigorate and show progression
it should also remind of all that is still unknown
if anything, it lifts the eyelids to all that is still left to be seen
reemerge a humility and openness in the soul for all that remains to be endured and understood

seems so long as I have a friend in me, I have a friend in no one else.

can't get myself to go away so others can come around..
so disconnected from anyone but me.

A good time

Well I don't sleep well if I'm away from home. But I can't sleep at home these days either. How many mistakes is a liar granted? Just know I feel the sorrow for my deeds. I need to learn boundaries. I need to quit drinking. I'll get a complex again and really start thinking. Disconnect from everyone, but in a good way. All the ones that fall for me that I bring the light of day. Had a great time. And he's great too. But the fun I have with him means nothing when I think about you. I feel so awful for the natural affection I give becuase the truth is they are not set apart. What is monogamy? There can't ever be mutual feelings. Just have fun with me. Please don't ask for more. Cuz I'm giving less than you'll ask for. Pocket Aces are exciting before the flop. But when I deal a card that gives the other guy a flush, well baby it's tough luck. And you'll keep calling even though you know he's beaten you. You'll lose all your chips and have to save up to start anew. But I'm the dealer...now didn't you know better?

It's Christmas? huh.

Take back all the gifts I bought you.
You can't take back the shit you put me through.

you're so fucked up for doing the things you do
and now I'm stuck in this house miserable with you.

so fuck you
and all we've been through
I said leave it
it's nothing to you
and if you hate me
hate me so bad
that you can let me out
let me out
let me out
of this hell when you're around

what I want from you
IS LEARN TO LET GO

what I want really isn't much
maybe the same as anyone
for you to care a little
try a little
love me on Christmas Eve and Christmas too.