I miss you mom.

"So I say to you,

Come home
Come home
Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I've ever known
So come home"

The fight for you is all I've ever known
So come home

eff emotions

fuck sensitivity and fuck caring.
no, fuck you for making me wish I didn't have feelings.
fuck the horse you ride.
fuck your inability.
fuck the dwindling of all I am.
fuck my authentic hope and endurance despite years of calamity.

we could drive to san francisco
try to have a good time
make an effort to convince you
there's more to life than dying

but it sounds unrealistic
at this point I know not to count on it
on any of you
I'm becoming comfortable in pity and blame
you sure have made me your company
I need to get out before you make me the same

so can I please use your cabin for the weekend
without another soul near
I want to sit in isolation
experience the weather

I'd go to San Francisco
but this family can't get better

Could I be this bear?

what a beautiful occurrence.

I want to be the one
I don't want to second guess
I want to be beautiful
I want to fulfill these successes
I don't want to be in the dark
I want to shine in the light with commendable force

Am I the great I thought
Am I a man to be
A woman to love
Am I good enough?

I will wander with hopes
for another's recognition
I will miss and regret
I'll appear as any other
I'll waste chances with no assertion
I'll live dead
I won't be all my child said

I was meant to be the great
I could have been a man
A woman to love
More than just enough

I was told
I knew I'd never tell the same
Because I am my child
But these generations' words I repeat-

Listen to what your child said.

fuckin disrespect

Convict me of the crime
because of your guilt
I'll change who I am
Because you hate yourself
To still be me
would be selfish you see
But we are still close
Do not worry,

you are not quite Charmane

Give me a call from a hospital in California
least you're not on the streets alone
your sister would have more fun if you were

I saw the world cold
how I imagine you've seen it for 27 years
how did you make it so old?
I'm sorry I ever quit wiping those tears

and yes,
you are secure tonight, from the lone and drugs
but you are not safe from the fear
I am so frightened by how I feel
why do we all end up here?

What if her arms were clean
Love granted and beauty seen

What if her arms were clean
Love granted and beauty seen

What if her arms were clean
Love granted and beauty seen

perhaps she could love me in return..