slap it out of me

Violently splashing water on my face seems to be the biggest favor I can do for myself these last few days. It is the single thing that seems to momentarily give me power over my anxiety.
Once you realize you can survive anything, you realize nothing matters. Billy said the more you change the less you feel. But I have experienced life, and I have risen up through the mud before. I know that my soul will reemerge, always.
But today I do not understand why.

Perhaps the most fucked up part, is how uneasy I am that I do not appear my wonderful self. I am worried what everyone will think of me because I am not at my best.
I will simplify it and classify it as exhaustion and guilty-empathy for my recent friend. And I cannot find the song or artist of a song that states how I have always felt about life and wished others could understand-- something to the effect of

don't worry about your feelings and all the petty occurrences in your life
just be glad to be here.

Rob the innocent

the innocent are blackened with guilt
while the guilty plead their innocence

this is all too familiar.